


The Replacements

by darkin520



Category: seaQuest
Genre: Gen, Humor, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-26
Updated: 2016-02-26
Packaged: 2018-05-23 09:20:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6112042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkin520/pseuds/darkin520
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the Trope challenge.  After the first seaQuest is destroyed, the UEO decides to make several changes, starting with replacing the crew. Between first and second season. One-shot. *COMPLETE*</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Replacements

**UEO Headquarters, Pearl Harbor**

Captain Nathan Bridger looked around the gathering room at the forlorn faces of the _seaQuest_ senior staff. They'd been sitting around the room, eating pizza, but it wasn't exactly happy. Besides a few trivial comments on the weather and the meal, no one spoke. And knowing what he'd have to tell them didn't help matters much. However, he decided now was as good a time as any. He cleared his throat and was just about to stand when Ben beat him to the punch.

"You know, this is depressing," Ben said, pushing away his plate of partially-eaten pizza .

"It's _supposed_ to be depressing," Kristin countered. "We've just lost something very important to us."

"What makes you think there won't be another _seaQuest_?" Jonathan asked.

Crocker shook his head. "There'll never be another _seaQuest_."

"Ladies and gentleman, may I have your attention for a minute?"

Everyone turned to look at Nathan.

"Chief's right; there'll never be another _seaQuest_ , not quite like the first, but the UEO wants us to rebuild right away." He took a piece of paper from his pocket. "I've just come from a meeting with Secretary General Noyce, and the brass loves the way the first tour went, for the most part. They've just got a few minor adjustments they'd like to make."

"Adjustments?" Ben asked. "What sort of adjustments?"

"Well…" Nathan opened the paper and cleared his throat. "The first tour just wasn't sexy enough."

"Sexy?" Katie said. "Since when is the UEO focused on sex?"

"Since the network…I mean, the UEO, learned that the public prefers the _seaQuest_ crew portray a sexier image to the public." Nathan called over his shoulder. "I think it's time for the rest of you to come inside."

At that moment, the door opened to reveal a group of sexier looking people, yet they looked eerily familiar.

"Let me introduce you to your replacements," Nathan said.

"Replacements?" Kristin stepped forward. "Nathan, surely you must be joking. Why would the UEO replace me?" She lowered her voice. "We've only just begun our relationship, and..."

Nathan sighed, placing a hand on her shoulder. "I know, sweetheart, and I really did have hope for us, only the network…I mean, the UEO…didn't take kindly to your decision not to relocate to New Cape Quest. And quite frankly, Dr. Wendy Smith is much younger than you...and apparently hotter."

Nathan motioned for a younger brunette to step forward, wearing a low cut dress, showing off ample cleavage.

"Hotter?" Kristin repeated. "I'll have you know I posed for Playboy, and I've shown off quite a bit of cleavage in my day." She shot a glare in Wendy's direction. "Apparently, hotness is in the eye of the beholder."

"Well, the UEO gave an ultimatum," Nathan told her. "Agree to relocate, and Dr. Smith here will go back to where she came. Otherwise, she stays and you get put on a bus…er, a launch…to who knows where? If you're good, they might bring you back."

"But what about us?"

Wendy planted a kiss on Nathan's lips and then looked at Kristin with a satisfied smile. "Too bad, he's mine now, at least according to this list."

Kristin let out a groan and stormed out of the room, yelling something about how she never should have trusted the military.

Nathan motioned for Wendy to sit down and then looked at Katie. "Commander…"

She put up a hand. "I was already planning to take the captain's position on the _HR Clinton,_ sir. I won't be returning for the second tour."

"Very well, Commander. Would you like to meet your replacement before you go?"

She gave a shrug. "I guess."

At that moment, Lonnie stepped forward, wearing a mini skirt and crop top. Immediately, all the men crowded around her. "I'm Lonnie, and I'm the new whore…I mean, helmswoman. I also date just about every male crewman on the senior staff. And the ones I don't wish they could date me. Have fun not being the boat whore, Katie." She gave the other woman a wink.

"I'll try," Katie said with a roll of her eyes as she quickly departed.

"Now it's time for the men," Nathan said. "Surprisingly, some of you get to stay. Those of you not leaving are as follows: Darwin, Lucas, Commander Ford, Lieutenant O'Neill, and Chief Ortiz."

"Wait!" Ben piped up. "You mean the dolphin gets to stay, but I have to go? I'm young and sexy. I took my shirt off a few times."

"Yeah, but my bod's a lot sexier," Tony Piccolo said, stepping forward. "I've got gills, and I've been in prison lifting weights all day." He flexed his arm, showing off his muscles. "The chicks love that. I'm just like you, only better."

"I'm afraid he's right, Mr. Krieg. Sorry," Nathan said. "Oh, wait a minute, there is a clause under your name."

"What does it say?" Ben asked, intrigued.

"Apparently, you get to come back for the third tour, temporarily. The UEO will be in touch with you."

"Fine," Ben said with a sigh.

"Hit the road, Jack," Tony said.

"The name's Ben."

"Like I care," Tony cried as Ben walked through the door.

"Just a few more adjustments to make," Nathan said with a light laugh, only to get glares from the yet to be replaced crew members. "Um, Chief Crocker, you know you're one of my oldest and dearest friends…"

"But I'm just not sexy enough," Crocker finished. "I…I can be sexy. I've turned a few heads in my day. And thing is, you're older than I am, Cap."

"I'm quite aware of that, but apparently, the UEO only allows one old guy on the crew, and they won't get rid of their captain. Besides, the viewers…I mean, the brass…love me more. Sorry." He motioned for Jim Brody. "This is your replacement."

"My God, he's gorgeous," Chief Crocker muttered.

"Aren't I, though?" Brody replied, flashing a grin.

"He sure is," Lonnie said with a wink, licking her lips.

"Hey, hands off; I saw him first," Wendy cried, moving to give Lonnie a push.

"You seem to be forgetting that I'm the boat whore, not you!" And Lonnie gave Wendy a push back. "Besides, you've got the captain."

"But it doesn't last," Wendy said as she tugged on Lonnie's hair. Lonnie retaliated and swung a fist at Wendy, connecting with her shoulder. The two ended up on the middle of the floor, fighting and shouting.

As the two women continued to fight, Nathan did his best to ignore them. "Um, yes, he is gorgeous, which is why the UEO brought him in. It's all about sex appeal for the second season…I mean, _tour_. Sorry, Chief. You've been relieved of duty."

Chief Crocker gave Nathan one last salute. "I know this isn't your choice, Cap. I'm not angry with you." And with that, he left the room.

"He always was very noble," Nathan muttered, looking at the paper in hand.

"Hey, wait a minute," Chief Ortiz said. "What about that guy?" He motioned towards a man who was at least a foot taller than everyone else, wearing a frightened, yet curious, look in his eye, and was covered in mottled tattoos.

"Oh, that's just Dagwood," Tony said, pulling him to sit down. "The UEO's adding him."

"Why?"

"Because Lucas is getting too old to play the cute kid."

"Yeah, I'm getting older, so I get to be sexy," Lucas said with a grin.

"And we need a janitor," Nathan reasoned. "I'm not sure how we got through the first tour without one."

"I like to clean floors," Dagwood piped up.

"Good for you, Dag," Tony said, patting him on the shoulder.

"Okay, then, that takes care of the crew replacements. Now, apparently, our missions will be changing as well; they're going to be more focused on fiction rather than actual science, but you guys are okay with that, right?"

"As long as we get to be hot and sexy, of course," Lonnie said, apparently finished with her fight with Wendy. She moved to give Tim a kiss on the cheek and then moved to sit on Jonathan's lap.

The others nodded in agreement.

"And if anyone disagrees with these changes, the network… Um, sorry, excuse me. I mean, the UEO wants to remind everyone that it's their ocean, and they'll do what they like. Anyone who disagrees will be shipped off and replaced. Understood?"


End file.
